At some point in the last week, I realized that I had 14 browser tabs open. Stacks of unread books lined one whole side of the kitchen island that serves as my desk. And as usual, my email inbox was overflowing with newsletters and marketing emails from all the fascinating people I follow online.
No wonder I was struggling to focus.
In this digital world, each of us is faced with a tsunami of information every day. I’ve seen the statistic listed as 34 gigabytes, or 100,000 words, heard or read. That’s about the length of six newspapers, or The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien.
On top of this, the modern world presents us with seemingly endless minor tasks to manage: an email to respond to here, a form to fill out there, and don’t forget to cancel that subscription!
But whether it’s from information overload, or a cubit-long to-do list, more and more people seem to be feeling overwhelmed. The emotion of overwhelm can show up in many ways: feeling anxious or panicked, somatic symptoms like hot flashes, or even shutting down and feeling too tired or depressed to get going.
Here’s a simple recipe you can follow when you find yourself feeling this way:
Re-orient to values
Our values are our deepest aspirations for how we want to show up in life. They’re less about what we want to do or accomplish and more about how we want to be. When you know your core values, you can use them as a compass to make important decisions and steer your course through life.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to re-orient to your values so that you know what’s most important for you to focus on. You can try:
Reviewing a list of your values (or taking an inventory if you don’t know them yet)
Reading something that inspires you and reminds you of your values
Doing a practice like prayer, meditation, or a ritual that connects you to them
Review your goals
Once you’ve reviewed your values, you can set measurable goals that move you in the direction you want to go. The key here is to make sure your goals are aligned with your values. If they’re not, you probably won’t feel very motivated to work on them.
The truth is, I have a love-hate relationship with goals.
When you have formal goals written down, they can remind you of what you’re supposed to be working on and help you decide what action you should take next in order to reach them. But when you’re feeling overwhelmed, thinking about big goals can feel paralyzing. The solution is to break these larger goals down into small, simple, easy steps.
Write down one or two small things you can do in the next 24 hours to move forward or make your situation better.
Take one small step forward
So, you’ve reconnected with your values and broken down your goals into a couple of simple steps. What if you’re still feeling too overwhelmed to get started? If you’re having trouble moving forward, it’s probably because your chosen action still feels like too much for the resources you have available right now.
As @VividVoid_ wrote recently on X,
“I can't emphasize this enough: if you're struggling to make a change in your life, you're probably not being gentle enough with yourself.”
If you’re having trouble getting started on a task, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and go. When the timer goes off, you can keep working if you want, but importantly, you can also stop. This may seem like it’s not enough time to accomplish anything significant, but trust me—the timer technique can be the difference between remaining stuck, and moving forward in a meaningful way.
If you want to build a new habit like meditation or journaling, start with 5 minutes per day.
If you want to start exercising, go for a 5 minute walk.
If you want to eat healthier, replace one processed food you eat regularly with a healthier version of that thing (gummy bears —> berries).
You have my permission to set the bar low—even lower than you think you should. As the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote, “be satisfied with even the smallest progress.”
Those of us with perfectionist tendencies often hold ourselves to a higher standard than we are realistically capable of holding sustainably over the long term. We want instant results and dramatic transformations. But small, gentle steps are actually the key to long-term, impressive changes.
Have compassion for yourself
If there are certain habits or behaviors that are particularly stubborn and difficult to change, it’s likely that there are feelings or parts of your psyche that are not being attended to.
The manager parts of us often initiate our self-improvement projects with good intentions. But other parts of us can throw up obstacles or “self-sabotage.” Believe it or not, these other parts also have good intentions and reasons for behaving the way they do. They need to be listened to, offered compassion, and sometimes negotiated with before we can move forward toward our more ambitious goals.
You can do this work on your own, but good therapy or coaching can be very helpful in this situation.
Above all, have compassion for yourself. People sometimes use being hard on themselves as a motivational strategy, but studies show that a self-compassionate approach is actually more effective in the long term. So choose one simple action, and move forward in the most self-compassionate way you can.
Thank you for reading Mindful Mondays. As always, I appreciate your feedback. Please reply to this email or leave a comment on Substack to let me know what you think!
Chris Cordry, LMFT
PS: If you’re feeling overwhelmed and would like some help getting focused and making a plan to move forward, just reply to this email to ask about 1:1 coaching. I offer free 20-minute consultations to see if working with me is a good fit for you.
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This 👇 is so key, Chris!
“Those of us with perfectionist tendencies often hold ourselves to a higher standard than we are realistically capable of holding sustainably over the long term. We want instant results and dramatic transformations. But small, gentle steps are actually the key to long-term, impressive changes.”
And thanks for the permission!
Perfect timing for me today. Thank you!