Mindful Mondays #14: Do What Works
Why your meditation practice might not be working, building better relationships, and reading recommendations for 2023
Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Mindful Mondays. After spending most of last week feeling under the weather, I’m doing much better now. Thanks to everyone who reached out to wish me well.
This week, I have some great pieces to share on meditation, finding focus, finishing projects, relationships, and reading. If I had to pinpoint a common theme in these articles, it would be doing what works.
Often, we get attached to doing things (our work, our relationships, our meditation practice) in a certain way. A way of doing something can work well for a time, but it can also get stale and stop getting us the results we want.
When that happens, it helps to look at things from a fresh perspective and try a different approach. I hope this edition helps you see at least one area of your life in a new way.
Articles of Interest
Why Meditation Doesn’t Work For You: Many clients I’ve worked with have struggled to establish or maintain a meditation practice. In this article, Professor Steven C. Hayes explains a research finding showing that your reasons for practicing meditation matter. In short, if you practice with the intention of getting rid of the thoughts and feelings you don’t want, you’re unlikely to experience the benefits of meditation. On the other hand, if you practice with the intention of opening up and experiencing whatever your mind has to offer, your practice will likely be more fruitful. This research finding reinforces a basic point of Buddhist philosophy, which is that avoidance and clinging are root causes of suffering. If we’re meditating in order to avoid experiences we don’t want, or attach to things we do, we’re merely reinforcing the mental habit that is causing our suffering in the first place.
Start Finishing: Have you ever felt like you have a million things you want to do, and yet simultaneously felt completely unproductive? In this article, my friend Michelle Varghoose shares her experience learning to prioritize and start finishing projects. By the way, if you struggle with having “too many” hobbies and interests (as I do), it’s not necessarily ADHD. You might just be a Scanner—a term coined by Barbara Sher in her book Refuse to Choose.
If You Only Read A Few Books In 2023, Read These: Ryan Holiday is known as a bestselling author on the subject of Stoicism. But he also reads more books than pretty much anyone I know. Every month, he sends out an email recommending a few of the books he’s been reading. Little-known fact: I’ve subscribed to Ryan Holiday’s Reading List Email since 2011. This man has read a lot, and developed excellent judgment in the process. In this article, Ryan gives his top 12 book recommendations for 2023.
Podcast of the Week
The Keys to a Great Relationship: Last week, I shared an excerpt from author and neuroscientist Rick Hanson’s new book, Making Great Relationships. In this episode of Rick’s podcast, Being Well, he and his son Forrest discuss the new book and some key tips for building a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Quote of the Week
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.” —James Baldwin
That’s all for this week. As always, I appreciate your feedback on Mindful Mondays. What was your favorite thing I shared this week? How can I make this newsletter more helpful to you? Reply to this email, comment on Substack, or hit me up on Twitter to let me know.
Thanks,
Chris Cordry, LMFT
PS: Would you like personalized guidance toward leveling up your mindfulness practice, clarifying your goals, and building a more meaningful life? I have a couple of spots open in my coaching practice. Just reply to this email to let me know if you’re interested.
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Oh my, how cool to be reading your newsletter and come across a shout to my own! Thanks so much Chris! I’m going to have to check out Barbara Sher’s, sounds right up my alley!