Mindful Mondays #13: Restful Edition
The paradox of goals, strategic boredom, and improving your sleep
Good morning and welcome to another edition of Mindful Mondays. I came down with a bit of a stomach bug over the weekend, which, while it was certainly unpleasant, gave me ample time to rest and reflect.
At first, on the day that I got sick, I felt a little stressed about not being able to accomplish the tasks on my to-do list. Then, a short meditation popped up on my Waking Up app, asking me me to double my patience, joy, and gratitude, right there in the moment, imagining dials in my mind that I could turn up or down.
This worked surprisingly well—I was able to feel more patient with my current situation and any delays in moving toward my goals, and more grateful for all the good things I already have in my life. I encourage you to try this exercise for yourself! It should only take about a minute.
Articles of Interest
The Paradox of Goals: I’ve always had a bit of a love-hate relationship with goals. On the one hand, having goals feels necessary in order to give our lives a sense of forward momentum. On the other hand, being overly focused on goals can lead to a sense of frustration and disappointment when we fail to achieve them. And often, the language of Asian philosophies like Buddhism and Taoism seems to push back against having goals in the first place. In this essay, neuroscientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff explores this paradox and suggests an alternative, thinking in “growth loops” instead of linear goals, and argues that this approach may be better for our mental health.
Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There: Most of us hate being bored. As a civilization, we’ve created the most fantastic technologies in order to prevent ourselves from experiencing this supposedly tortuous state. But in this essay, my friend Arman makes a case for giving yourself intentional periods of boredom. I can vouch that his argument is consistent with basic neuroscience: activities like taking a walk or even a shower can engage your default mode network in a way that increases creativity and problem-solving.
Respect Your Needs: In a culture where independence and self-reliance are highly valued, many of us feel anxious or ashamed about having needs, especially in our relationships with others. In this excerpt from his new book, Making Great Relationships, neuroscientist and meditation teacher Rick Hanson shares the value of identifying, acknowledging, and meeting our deep needs. Rick is one of my favorite teachers, and after reading this I pre-ordered the new book.
Podcast of the Week
Dr. Matthew Walker: All Things Sleep: Matthew Walker, Ph.D., is a professor of neuroscience at U.C. Berkeley and the author of the bestselling book Why We Sleep. In this episode of the Tim Ferriss Show, Matt goes deep on a number of sleep-related topics. One of the highlights for me was how lack of sleep can raise the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, as well as practical tips on how to improve sleep quality (especially deep sleep) in order to prevent Alzheimer’s and other health problems.
Quote of the Week
"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."
—John Muir
That’s all for this week. As always, I appreciate your feedback on Mindful Mondays. What was your favorite thing I shared this week? How can I make this newsletter more helpful to you? Reply to this email, comment on Substack, or hit me up on Twitter to let me know.
Thanks,
Chris Cordry, LMFT
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Another great collection of call-outs Chris. Arman's article was great. My favorite share from this edition though is the patience, joy, gratitude dashboard. I even made a little drawing of what the dashboard would look like with each of the dials turned up to post over my desk as a reminder. Going work with this for a while. Thanks.
I was told recently that people in transitions shouldn't make goals, because of the risk of focusing on something before fully knowing what you want. I agree, but think a regular visioning of success is important to give some strategic focus. Maybe growth loops is the right framework for people in transition.