One of the most universal spiritual teachings is that in order for spiritual awakening to take place, the ego—our everyday sense of self—must be dissolved, or at least de-centered in our experience.
Both Hindu and Buddhist teachings speak of a false sense of self that obscures our true identity as consciousness. And psychedelic explorers talk about “ego death” as a regular feature of heavy trips.
But what is the ego, and is it really possible—or desirable—to dissolve or dethrone it?
As I mentioned in last week’s email, I’m currently working my way through the book The Wholeness Work Essential Guide, Level 1: Healing & Awakening by Connirae Andreas, PhD.
In her book, Connirae takes a unique approach to finding the ego in our actual, moment-to-moment experience and allowing it to melt into the wider field of consciousness. This process is part of The Wholeness Work, a method that promises not only to help resolve everyday psychological problems, but to lead to the same kind of spiritual awakening spoken of by spiritual traditions throughout the millennia.
What is the Ego?
First, let’s talk about the term “ego” and what it actually refers to.
I could write a whole essay about what “ego” even means in this context, why Western translators of Asian spiritual texts used it as a translation for various terms in Asian languages, and how much confusion that has led to among Western dharma students.
But for now, suffice it to say that the Latin word “ego” simply means “I.”
This “I” is the everyday, familiar sense of self we refer to when we say things like, “I really need to go to the grocery store today,” “I’m so fat,” or “I’ll never find a partner who truly loves me.” It’s the subject of our thoughts, the sense of self that our thoughts refer to.
The problem is, at least according to Buddhism and some other Asian spiritual traditions, is that this everyday sense of self is an illusion and doesn’t really exist.
Personally, I’m fond of researcher Jeffery Martin’s term “narrative self,” because I feel it reflects the fact that our limited sense of self is constructed of thoughts and stories about “I, me, and mine.”
However, traditional meditation instructions from Buddhism and other traditions don’t necessarily give clear instructions on how to find the “I” in our experience, let alone dissolve it.
That’s what Connirae Andreas sets out to do in her book.
Connirae Andreas and The Wholeness Work
Connirae was one of the original NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) students—and later trainers—in the 1970s. She and her husband Steve developed many important NLP patterns and therapy techniques. As part of her training, Connirae studied with the pioneering psychiatrist Milton Erickson, MD, the father of modern clinical hypnosis. (I’m actually doing a yearlong training with the Milton Erickson Foundation this year). Interestingly, in her book she tells a story about how her first taste of awakening occurred spontaneously while sitting with Erickson.
This background is important because a big part of NLP is “modeling.” Modeling is where a practitioner studies an expert and analyzes how exactly they do a thing they’re really good at, then uses that information to create a process or technique that others can replicate. Connirae was already an expert in modeling when she became interested in spiritual awakening and decided to try and model the teachings of great masters like Ramana Maharshi, which eventually led to her developing The Wholeness Work.
Try This: Finding the ‘I’
So, what is the Wholeness Work actually like? The book is just an introduction, and the official Wholeness training has four different levels. But here’s a quick exercise that you can try in order to get a taste:
Close your eyes, take a moment to settle into your chair or wherever you’re sitting. Scan your awareness and notice any sensation that stands out to you—it could be any feeling anywhere in your body.
Notice the size and shape of the sensation—how big it is, and what area it occupies. If it’s in a part of your body, notice whether it’s a little bigger or smaller than that part, or extends a little in front, behind, or to the side.
Feel into the sensation and notice its texture. Is it rough, smooth, light, or heavy? Does it tingle or vibrate? These are just a few examples of how it might feel.
At this point, you could say, “I am aware of this sensation in my body.” Go ahead and say it. Then, ask yourself “Where is the “I” that is aware of this sensation?”
Just notice the location that it feels like you’re aware from. It could be behind the eyes, somewhere around the head, in any part of your body or even outside the body. Just notice where the “I” is located and what shape it has in space.
Then feel into the space of the “I” and notice its feeling quality or texture, as well. Is it smooth or jagged, dense or diffuse, dark or light? Again, there are many possible ways the “I” could feel, these are just examples.
Remember the sentence, “I am aware of this sensation?” Once you are aware of the “I”, the next step is to experience Awareness. Connirae describes “what is Awareness” in more detail in the book, but to summarize, she defines it as the "capacity to experience” that’s always already present, not only throughout the body but all around, as well. For example, if someone tapped you on the shoulder, you have the capacity to feel that without having to think about it and consciously direct your attention. Similarly, if someone were to knock on the door of the room you’re in, you would automatically hear it. So awareness is the capacity to experience that’s there prior to thought, without any effort needed on your part. It’s always “already on” without having to think about it. Take a moment to feel into that sense of awareness throughout your body and all around.
Now return your attention to the “I” that you located before and once again, feel into the space where it’s present. Then,
“Notice what happens, when the sensation of the ‘I’… is invited to open and relax.. in and as the full field of Awareness… that’s all around and throughout.”
Just make the invitation and notice what happens, if anything. It’s possible that your experience will be very subtle, or perhaps you won’t notice anything at all. If so, that’s OK. As Connirae says, “With Wholeness Work we’re always honoring whatever our real experience is; there’s no need to push or force it to be any different than it actually is.” On the other hand, you might notice a sense of relaxation as the “I” that you identified opens up or melts into the wider field of awareness that’s already present. If so, enjoy.
Learning More
The exercise I’ve given you today is just a paraphrase of the first Wholeness Work exercise in Chapter 2 of Connirae’s book. The basic Wholeness Work process includes several additional steps that make it more powerful and allow you to use it to work with all kinds of life issues. Additionally, there are many more Wholeness Work processes besides the basic one.
If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend picking up Connirae’s book. The Wholeness Work website has more information, including a free webinar where you can experience Connirae guiding you through the exercise above. I’ve also signed up for a Level 1 training with Connirae in November and looking forward to learning more about guiding others in this technique as well as using it myself.
At this point, I feel I should say that I have no affiliate relationship with Connirae or Andreas NLP and am sharing this information purely out of personal interest and because I feel MMM readers may benefit from it.
If you try the exercise above, I’d love to know how it went for you. Let me know by leaving a comment below.
That’s all for this week! As always, I appreciate your feedback on Mind, Meaning, and Magic. What did you think of this week’s introduction to The Wholeness Work? Let me know by replying to this email or leaving a comment, below.
Thanks for reading,
Chris Cordry, LMFT
PS: If you’re interested in working toward greater psychological wholeness while pursuing your spiritual path, I have room for 1-2 new therapy or coaching clients this summer. Just reply to this email and we can set up a free 20-minute consultation to see if working together is a good fit.
PPS: If you’d like to help me grow Mind, Meaning, and Magic, please use the links below to like, comment, restack, and share this post. Thanks!
Ah this exercise was powerful. Reminded me of why in Spanish instead of saying things like "I am hungry", we say "I have hunger". I didn't realize all the value I had in that mind shift until I read this piece. As always, I feel I have grown abundantly wealthy every time I read you work. Well done.